there are some truths buried so deep inside ourselves that they can only be reached by detonating all of the rock we so meticulously accumulate in hopes of protecting ourselves – when we realize what we thought was a shelter is actually a prison.

i don’t believe anyone has to accept that kind of sentence. but i’ll be the first to admit that the child inside me is content to put bright red-colored curtains over that tiny square barred window & call it my home. truly repressing and totally dismissing memories is an art easily learned as a child. i believe that is where it began and i finally found the proof i had been looking for.

so yes, there are reasons we are who we are that we have absolutely no control over. and that is very scary because the way to deal with them is elusive. we can observe them, we can fight them, we can forget them, we can hide them or we can accept them. we can place them in the forefront and put a sparkly top coat over them for everyone to see. but there is nothing we can do to make it any easier.

i don’t want to be that bitter, angry person that could never find the courage to face the demons left by those that trod on our hearts. i don’t want to keep burning the bridges that propel me forward. going back sometimes isn’t a bad thing. in fact it’s critical if you want to solidify your identity. for humans life seems so linear, but it isn’t at all. it’s organic & we are beautiful, but not without our roots. all the fruit on the tree is dependent on the roots we can’t see, and even what’s beyond that. it has everything to do with our ability to love.

“the harder you look, the more you’ll find…”

an archetype of love & beauty
she came to me
with universal mystery
shaping starry destiny
opening doors & setting free
no treasure map
no lock
no key

time’s true nature is apparent
each snowflake that falls
becomes the ocean
the sky
us
belonging everywhere
able to rest nowhere

you can let it go
you can walk away
you can say goodbye
you can try to deny
what it’s meant to mean

but what if you’re wrong
what if our song
is still that hum in the shower
on bright mornings
sun pouring in
that carries you through the day
and at night when you sleep
is the soundtrack behind your dreams

true
there’s no pretending
a complete cycle has been fulfilled
we were infants
gorging on magical milk
growing fast & tall & a little stronger
till we exhaled into the night
and from on top of the mountain we knew a god

but you see
there is no one victorious in love
and that light above
is not the moon
it’s not the plasticky reflection from pictures in your wallet
it’s not the flash of incoming calls on your cellphone
and it isn’t the glow from the eyes of the one who wakes in your bed
it’s all in your head
and eventually
like every living thing
it’s dead

as with most dead things
the instinct is to burn & bury
call it a day
run far trying to dull the pain
or write it away
and i’ve done that many times, too
i had my reasons
i knew my intentions
but with you it is different
and i believe there is something new
so even if i’m usually too stubborn or foolish to admit it
i do need you

in winter’s cold throws
the last few cinders combust
their glow fades away
the smoke floats off into the sky
an oak tree
once proud & tall
now elemental carbon
seeping down into the earth
ash mixing with dirt
one last gift of the great oak
to what will become
of the acorn it left behind

“maybe you’ve had the best of me, but…”

for k.

by JTW
©2012 JTW “jtwhitaker.com” All rights reserved.