in reality i had kind of forgotten this place altogether. things can happen so fast and life can change so quickly on the surface – new experiences, revelations, even new love – and we forget that at a core level we’re still just broken humans.
and some of us travel in very dark corridors when we least expect it; when the shit piles up too high and we have no other choice but to go down those tunnels to a place black & familiar. there’s a comfort there. and it’s a part of the process. to realign & putty up some pieces.
–
sometimes being loved is overwhelming in the most inexplicable ways, but i love words, so here goes: at a certain crux of a perfect storm it’s so desperately sought after and so desperately too much at the same time.
and it doesn’t matter how much they love you. it doesn’t matter if they rattle off a list of reasons why. all those reasons are strangely superfluous here and each comes with responsibility. what if you can’t live up to them anymore? what if you’re not who they think you are? what if you don’t have any more to give in return?
then with all these questions here you are sabotaging yourself again. besides, this zone has nothing to do with love or lack thereof anyway. in fact it has nothing to do with anything external, really. or it has to do with everything and it’s just a way to cope with the onslaught.
so it becomes easy to hurt the very people we cherish the most. they have to be strong. they have to understand that you’ll emerge from an unseen and unknown cave on a timetable you cannot control or manipulate. because some minds are not susceptible to the blah blah blah motivational self-help logic. some minds are systems with their own safety protocols and we are all just passive observers.
–
the best you can do for someone sometimes is protect yourself. maintain your sanity until they come back to a place they won’t unintentionally intentionally hurt you.
you want to help them. you want to make sure they know how much they’re loved. but they already know. if that mattered they wouldn’t be underground in the first place.
you’re not the cause of their departure and you can’t be the cause of their arrival. you’re not the airport, you’re not the traffic controller and you’re definitely not responsible for their happiness or unhappiness.
let’s just say what this is
do you think we don’t know the truth
i’d keep up this game
if it were any use
it doesn’t have to have lines
cause we use it for driving
but where do we go with these words
when they’re mostly for lying
a cold wind is blowing
across the paths that we made
sheets all torn off
the bed where we laid
it may be that it’s not over yet
but do we want what’s gonna be left
meet me at the corner
take me out to dinner
only our hearts to lose
try’n bet on a winner
try’n bet on a winner
try’n bet on a winner
fly home & fly out
come back
i’ll be much thinner
weight drops off quick
try’n bet on a winner
try’n bet on a winner
try’n bet on a winner
—
