you’ll say i’ve changed
and she has grown in so many ways
nothing’s how it was
and i’m supposed to smile

i’ll see you next week
and you’ll ask how i’m doing
cause so much has happened
and where have i turned
what am i doing now
we’ll start with my new job
but that’s not where it will end
and i love you so i’ll smile
while you think you don’t know me

well what if i could tell you
about late nights and following
just a little too close
and what if i could tell you about
living rooms and shattered dreams
and so many stains

and what if i said
that no matter what
no matter who
and no matter when
see, i’ll forget
but then
in an instant
when all the air in my lungs
and with everything i possess
in an instant
is gone

i was so wrong
to think forgiveness would
stop this
and you have some idea
what it was then
but what it is like now
i’m so glad
and baby
i’ve tried

but in that moment
when the truck door slams
and only tears kept me there
because she loves me
and would never ever
no matter what
(well, you don’t know that do you?)

and still the living room spins
and in a split-second i’m back
but i’m here
and that’s so scary
over & over
the shattered glass
the screams
the broken dreams
and so many stains
see, some things will never
ever
ever
(but you don’t know that do you?)

i was so wrong
to think forgiveness would
stop this
and you have some idea
what it was then
but what it is now
i’m so glad
and believe me
i tried

do what you feel is right
and when you ask me
what am i doing now
we’ll start with my new job
but that’s not where it will end
and i love you so i’ll smile
while you think you don’t know me

so take her
and run with it
keep her and believe it
and judge me for who i am
pity me from a safe distance
but don’t dare get too close
because she’s still there isn’t she
and that’s supposed to mean something
while i become nothing

that’s okay
i love you anyway
and i know you have to believe
and i love you so i’ll smile

and what if i said
that no matter what
no matter who
and no matter when
see, i’ll forget
but then
in an instant
when all the air in my lungs
and with everything i possess
in an instant
is gone

so now you think i’m blaming him
for something he didn’t do
no, that’s not it all
i’m just blaming what is real & what isn’t true
and i just wish you could love me close
because as much as i have to do this
as much as i will do it
and as much as you’ll never, ever know
and for all the ways you’ll hurt me
i’ll still love you
-

i love you all so much,
and i miss you.

xo
—

“you ought to see her fly…”

by JTW
©2011 JTW “jtwhitaker.com” All rights reserved.