Archives for posts with tag: extremities

it wasn’t just the humidity that hung in the air when i pushed open the backdoor, left unlocked especially for me. and that was all the confirmation i needed. i had been feeling it for a couple days already and that dragonfly was awfully big.

so i walked around the apartment. looked at what was left and how it was left. i took a deep breath, inhaling the traces of what had taken place, knowing. even if i hadn’t wanted to it’s never really our choice, is it?

i went back, retracing our steps. returned to the path with the train tracks. and of course the train came, as it always does. all too obvious, that train and how fast it speeds.

tapping is persistant, when life is at a standstill. sometimes no words will quiet that vibration. and it was louder than you could realize, not that you had any control. earthquakes can’t even shatter the orbs that those sounds reach, when a look, a touch, becomes impotent.

and i think you felt the same pull, tugging just a little too hard. hard enough to rip some out. till we broke and collapsed outside the whole thing. panting, trying to feel some of the shreds to press them back together but ultimately they settled somewhere else.

the conductor presses on the brakes, but nothing can slow this behemoth. it fires ahead, unstoppable. so we sit on top of a car and watch the sunset fall around us until orion’s belt rises above, waiting for scorpius. silent.

maybe. maybe the landing is the next step. don’t forget to tuck & roll.

“all the boys who got to you…”

by JTW
©2011 JTW “jtwhitaker.com” All rights reserved.

are we so powerful
the mosquitos drain it out of us
still water in every direction
they are relentless
i can’t stop them
i can’t stop them alone

only two hands
not enough to swat at all of them
so i kept moving, tried to outrun them
tried to run faster,
but i couldn’t run fast enough

cover me
shield me from their bite
you must do this
i lay here naked
and surrender

they swell around us
with the blood of our children
and i am powerless to stop them
so this one’s yours
i hand this over to you
i return to you my blood
and surrender

i’ll lay here naked
you must do this
i’ll surrender
till there’s nothing left

if it is up to you that i amass these bites so be it
i can’t fight any longer cause it only brings me into the darkness and farther from you

cover me
shield me from their bite
you must do this
i lay here naked
and surrender

“one or the other…”

by JTW
©2011 JTW “jtwhitaker.com” All rights reserved.

if you’ve been following me here or on twitter for awhile you’ve probably noticed a change in the air…or something like that.

anyway…yes, my 28th year is in full swing and so is everything that comes with that.

children are amazing. and sometimes the things they say, the things they worry about, the way they filter the things they are told to believe, are extremely revelatory to older people not so inclined to listen to the truth.

my daughter is no exception. and tonight when she was falling asleep she said some things that crystalized my purpose and my faith.

i owe it to her to do this. i struggle with caring about everything else. but i will go through the hottest fires of hell for her.

i thought that i had put that all behind me. but ignoring, killing, moving on, etc isn’t really the same as forgiveness and he’s right about that. it doesn’t taste like forgiveness, but it is.

so where do i start? how does one forgive an institution? if a person slights you in some way that’s relatively easy to forgive. but how do you forgive something so large, so insidious? and not just one institution, but several?

of course the answer is love, it’s always love…but is it so easy? and what about the repercussions? well folks, they are what they are. and i simply cannot control that. i preach about authenticity but i haven’t exactly lived it – not with the ones that mean the most and certainly not with myself in some very large ways.

that’s all about to change. if you love me you’ll accept that. if you don’t…well, i can no longer allow that fear & hate to govern my life (or what’s left of it).

i’m moving on. join me or don’t, that’s your choice. but know that my choice is one between love & hate, life & death.

i choose forgiveness. i choose fire. i choose life. and for all that i am, i choose love.

“sometimes your path is marked in the sky…”

by JTW
©2011 JTW “jtwhitaker.com” All rights reserved.

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